I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
