"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
