Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
