I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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