Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
