Life is so much better after having sex.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
