Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
