No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
