So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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