how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
