Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
