I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
