Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
