I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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