By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
