Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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