There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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