Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
