I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize