so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
did i just pee glitter
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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