I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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