Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
