Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
