they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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