I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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