omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
