She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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