Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
