i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
