I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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