gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize