Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
