I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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