I smell stomach acid.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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