You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
