WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
