If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
