I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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