hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
