At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
