Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This baby is an asshole
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize