The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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