please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
