He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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