So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
