the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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