google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
