I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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