I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
