I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
