That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
