I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
