Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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