TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i need some magic done to my vagina
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
