I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think a kid would responsible me up
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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