If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
