I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize