Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
