Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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