I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
