all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
