I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
