She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
