gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
