You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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