Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
