Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
