So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize