Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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