Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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