I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
