I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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