omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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