I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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