She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
BRING THE BAGELS
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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