I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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