I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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