Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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