great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
