I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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