i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
