I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
