I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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