he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
