If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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