I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
