Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
