There is no way he is gay with that hair.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
