'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
