i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
