I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
