Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
