; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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