i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
