I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
