i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
