I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
