In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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