how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
