Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize