I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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