that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
