sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
