Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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