I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
