idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
