And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
