Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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