Midget sex pt 2 tonight
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
