mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
