Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
