I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
