Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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