I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
