The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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